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I’m in such a strange place emotionally.
I don’t want to be alone but couldn’t imagine sharing my life with a guy. Maybe this is what it’s like to make the choice to be with someone because you want to and not just because you want to have someone there.
Maybe my last job knocked some sense into me about what awful creatures men can be.
All I know is that today I looked at Carl’s Facebook through a mutual friend and it made me sad. Idk if its just the attraction or everything we shared, but I do truly wish it had worked with us.
Maybe there’s some parallel universe out there where he loved every grimy bit of my life. Or where I was able to open up. And we worked. Who knows…
Anyway… Just been a little lonely on the guy front. That’s all.
Missing you comes in waves.
Tonight I’m drowning.